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The Diary
Anne Ku

14 November 2000 Tuesday

This was written on Sunday 12th November. It seems I've gone ahead in time. It's a beautiful dry day.




In the past, I never really enjoyed playing variations, because they get harder and harder - and I don't like to sightread pieces I can't play. On Sunday, however, I decided to sightread Beethoven's Variations - the Dover edition.

Prompted by my recent sightreading of Tchaikovsky and other composers whose books stood untouched on my shelf, I thought maybe I'd discover something in the process.

Isn't life like variations on a theme? One of my friends said that we recreate traumas we are familiar with. Thus a child from a dysfunctional family will repeat the dysfunctionalities, because they are familiar. We hear of how history repeats itself in abusive families. Children make the same mistakes their parents made. There is comfort in the familiar. On the other hand, familiarity breeds contempt.

On the positive side, my life seems to revolve around the theme of separation and saying goodbye. It's familiar - but only until I recognise that it is a problem will I harness my troubleshooting skills to deal with it. Until now, it has hardly been a problem. I love starting something new, packing my bags, moving house, shifting continents.

Coming back to variations on a theme. The theme is "escape." I used to reassure myself that I can just leave without a wince, whereas others have to stay put, stay in a miserable job, kowtow to their superiors. But today, I thought to myself, maybe they don't want to leave. Leaving is not an option, whereas for me, it is one I can't wait to exercise.

No matter how you vary it, the theme still prevails. When it gets cold and grey, I just want to get away. Let me shift to another theme - grin and bear it. The weather is doing wonders in the music department - here's another piece: Variations on Beethoven's Fur Elise!

Variations on Beethoven's Fur Elise
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